Reflections on the Meaning of Home
“Home is the center of my being where I can hear the voice that says: ‘You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.’”
For someone who travels nearly six months out of the year, having this extended period of time at home has been more than a small adjustment. Earlier this year, as our family viewed the 2020 calendar, April held the promise of being both busy and satisfying. Our daughter would still be at school in the UK. Our son would be finishing his final year at school in Connecticut. My husband and I would spend a couple weeks doing ministry in Finland followed by a stopover in Scotland to visit our daughter. This looked like normal life for our somewhat unconventional ministry family, and it was good.
But my April and the months beyond look different now, and I suspect yours do too. Like our family, you’ve probably watched things vanish that you thought were indelible. We’ve struggled with a number of emotions in our household — anger, fear, frustration, grief, loneliness. Maybe you can relate. I never imagined that my son wouldn’t get to have a graduation ceremony at the end of May. Short of personal catastrophic illness, I didn’t think our ministry calendar could be wiped clean for the rest of the year. And yet, here we are. And so are you. Nothing looks the same for any of us.
But I am home, and I am grateful. Right now, I’m sitting next to my daughter as she works on an essay for a college theology course. From time to time, she tosses questions on medieval theology my direction. This mama’s inner theology nerd is happy. Neither of us expected this. This moment, right here in this place, is a gift.
Another gift has been the time and mental space to revisit some remarkable books. This week I picked up Henri Nouwen’s The Return of the Prodigal Son. Aptly subtitled “A Story of Homecoming,” Nouwen’s book recalls his own journey from bystander to beloved — back to the place where love dwells — by way of Rembrandt’s depiction of the parable of the prodigal son found in Luke 15. I first encountered this book on a church reading list in the late nineties. More than twenty years on, this book is an entirely different piece of writing than I remembered. Why? Because I am not the same person I was twenty-plus years ago. Home looks different to me now.
Since I am frequently on the road, or more likely in the air, I have often reflected on the meaning of home. (Home is Where His Heart Is: 5/4/2019) Home is not a place, but a state of being. This truth has been reinforced in me over the last month. And while I have loved physically being in my house in Raleigh, home is so much more. Within Nouwen’s book, I have discovered a call to go deeper. A call to leave behind the things that hinder me from coming home. God has already made a home within us, but we can easily wander away from home without even realizing we have strayed. The only way home is to enter into the very place that God has chosen to dwell.
Nouwen writes, “Home is the center of my being where I can hear the voice that says: “You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.'“ He goes on to describe this voice as “the never-interrupted voice of love speaking from eternity and giving life and love wherever it is heard.”
It is the quietude of being confined that has put me back on the inward path. Letting the busyness fall away has helped me hear the voice of love again. This gentle voice is always speaking, but the standard decibel of life can drown out its cadence. Sure, we can do lots of things for God. But how often do we take time to simply be with him? No agenda. No list of demands. Just an honest desire to dwell in his love.
Can you relate to feeling worn out and tired? Always running and never resting? Do you give, but never take time to receive? Are you unsure of where or when you left home behind? Does your heart long to return to a place where you are known and loved?
Like the prodigal son, some of us have strayed far from our true home. But like his older brother, others of us have simply never recognized all that we have right where we are — the love that enfolds us and knows our name. In a profound statement, Nouwen observes, “I had been working very hard on my father’s farm, but had never fully tasted the joy of being at home.” This I understand deeply. Even when we are home, we can miss what our loving Father has for us. Like Martha, we can be so preoccupied with doing that we forget to sit with the One who loves us as her sister Mary has chosen to do (Luke 10:38-42).
So what about you? Will you fill this season with busyness or will you sit and listen? Will you accept a call to go deeper, to discover your true home? God is already within you, and He is waiting to welcome you home.
“However quietly we speak, He is so near that He will hear us: we need no wings to go in search of Him but have only to find a place where we can be alone and look upon Him present within us. ”
Sometimes surrender is the first step toward healing…
