You Aren't What You Do
“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.”
How do you introduce yourself to people you’ve never met? What details are most important? I think about this every time I write a bio for an article or speak in front of a new group.
Do you start with a description of your occupation? I’m an elementary school teacher. I’m a pediatrician. I’m a graphic designer.
Perhaps you share something aspirational. I’m training for a marathon. I’m hoping to publish a book. I’m studying for the bar.
Maybe you start with something more relational. I’m Caleb’s mom. I’m Brenda’s daughter. I’m Susan’s husband.
Have you ever considered that what we believe about our identity is crucial to how we relate to other people and to God?
In his book Abba’s Child, Brennan Manning wrote, “Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.”
And yet, it can feel like we spend our lives defining ourselves in every other imaginable way. This comes to us naturally—it is what our culture does. Often we are defined by what we do. Sometimes we are defined by our family of origin. People who are trying to step out of the shadow cast by their family background may seek a professional identity that flips the script. We all want to project an identity that shows us in the best light, whatever we believe that is.
Throughout history, our names have contributed to that sense of identity. Did you know the two most common types of surnames across the globe are occupational and relational?
Here are a few examples:
If your background is English, you may have a surname that indicates a connection with a particular trade. Smith, Miller, Taylor, Mason, and Baker are common examples. Similar examples exist across Europe, particularly in German-speaking countries, and also in some areas of Asia. Unfortunately, there are also many people whose families gained these names through slavery.
My maiden name, Sizer, is a more unusual example of the occupational surname. In medieval England, a Sizer was either a court assessor or someone who worked in the textile industry. Someone in my family line gave me a name from an occupation I know nothing about.
I find it interesting how someone’s occupation can become a source of identity for countless individuals in their family line, carrying on for centuries. Our culture so often emphasizes what we do as the most important thing about us.
But we are not what we do. And we are not what our ancestors did. Likewise, we are not the family into which we were born or adopted.
Examples of relational (or patronymic) surnames are also found throughout the world:
Scandinavian names have historically been patronymic. Today, Icelandic names offer some of the best examples. Magnusdottir means “daughter of Magnus” while Magnusson means “son of Magnus.” Similar practices are found in Central Asia, the Middle East, and some areas of Africa.
I like the idea of relational names better than occupational names because being a daughter or a son, knowing where you came from, matters. But if there is abuse or shame attached to that name, it can be a heavy burden.
The good news is God never defines us by these things. Your identity as a beloved child of God transcends any earthly identity by placing you within his Kingdom family.
If you’ve struggled to experience a sense of true worth and belonging, ask your heavenly Father to speak identity over you today. The truth of his word can change the way you see yourself as you begin to experience the reality of eternal belonging.
If you’re not sure how to do this, here are a few simple steps:
Find a few moments of quiet.
Take a deep breath as you relax any areas of tension in your body.
Ask God to show you any false identities you have accepted.
Surrender to him anything that comes to mind. (Don’t overthink it.)
Ask God to show you how he sees you. (It could be a word or an image.)
Write down what he says to you or shows you.
Meditate on that word or image as you let it seep into your heart. (Do any Scripture verses come to mind?)
Take another deep breath and thank him for what he’s shown you today.
You are seen, you are known, and you are loved. You are His child!
‘Sometimes healing comes by waving the white flag of surrender when everyone else is telling you to stay in the fight.’
